I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
