He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
