I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
