At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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