so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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