walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
