Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
