If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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