She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
