i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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