Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
