if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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