I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i came on her dog
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
