I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize