I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
