I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize