Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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