i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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