we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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