Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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