girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
