the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
