So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
