woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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