He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
