Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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