btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
