called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
