Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
