He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
