do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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