I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize