He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
