need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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