i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
