Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
