he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
