I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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