i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
