When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
