Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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