dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
