Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
