Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
