I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
