got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
