Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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