I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize