Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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