you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
