There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
