let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
