Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
