Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
