For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
