This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
