I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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