Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
