the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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