ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
