Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
