Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
