You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
