i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
