I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.