Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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