Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui