I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...