separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
