Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
