when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
