So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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