You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
