His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
