All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
