some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
