my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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